It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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