Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
