If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
