Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
