Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think a kid would responsible me up
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i think i just lost a toe
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