she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
