she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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