I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
