He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
