So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
