Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
