I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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