I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
