So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
