it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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