tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
