The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
