I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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