According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
