if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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