trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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