I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
