She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
