Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
