that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
