Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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