So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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