and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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