You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
