Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
