Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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