SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How external is "for external use only"?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
