I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
