I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
