I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
