There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
