well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.