I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
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who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
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So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.