It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
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He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
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Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.