I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...