so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend