Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
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6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.