I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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