i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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