Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This baby is an asshole
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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