I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
