If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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