I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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