I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
