Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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