I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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