birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
