There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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