I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
