moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
