Pappa wants mamma naked
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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