well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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