Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I forget how to act sober
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
