the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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