I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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