you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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