I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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