Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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