so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
