I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
