I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
