She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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