If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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