new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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