I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
