I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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