Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
