I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
