apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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