Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
