At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
