Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize