Well apparently he's into motor boating.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize