I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
