if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
