i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
